On The Path To Sex
by Nocturniquette
Summary: It all started with Parker watching Eliot take a shower…somehow it degenerates into a threesome from there. Cracky. Eliot/Parker/Hardison. And slight Sophie/Eliot.


_Disclaimer_: I do not own anyone or anything affiliated with the TV show, Leverage, by Dean Devlin. If I did, I would SO take Eliot, Parker, and Hardison. I also do not own AXE. (Mmm…that stuff smells so damn good….)

_Full Summary: _It all started with Parker watching Eliot take a shower…somehow it degenerates into a threesome from there.

Slightly cracky, a touch of angst (because the Sophie Nate thing didn't want to cooperate), but mostly humorous.

_Author's Note_: This is my _**1**__**st**_ Het one-shot. So please be kind if it's a little weird.

I usually write slash. I tried to keep the characters In-Character despite the cracky situation, and hope I did.

Now, on with the story!

* * *

Steam rose through the white-colored bathroom, from the heat of the water in the shower. Parker watched keenly from above in the ventilation grate placed oh-so-thoughtfully over the shower.

Sleek muscles grew taut on his abdomen and chest as he slowly rubbed the shampoo through his hair, sighing contentedly as he did so. Her gaze sharpened and she licked her lips. He rinsed the shampoo out of his hair and Parker got a strong whiff of the scent. Oh. AXE. _**YUM.**_

She watched as he used the conditioner and got a glimpse of the writing on the bottle: AXE Constrict De-Poof conditioner. And it smelled absolutely _**heavenly.**_

She sighed lowly, and saw him freeze. She froze as well, holding her breath. Seconds ticked by, and then he shrugged to himself, resuming his shower. She breathed out slowly, and continued her extra-special vigil.

Another minute or two passed, and he shut the water off, wrung out his hair, and then stepped out onto the linoleum tiled floor. She stared. She really couldn't help it (not that she tried that much to begin with), and promptly ignored the little voice in her head telling her to have morals. Screw morals! His _**butt**_ was _**right there**_!_** No way**_ was she lookin' away!

Her pupils dilated as she traced the water droplets from his face all the way down to his feet with her eyes.

DAAAMMMNNN !!! He was proportioned, like, perfectly! (And, yes, it _**was**_ her professional opinion).

Ooooo….he wore _**boxers. **_This was her kind of man after all. And they were _**black**_. Her favorite color.

When he was dressed completely, she sighed again, this time depressed. Why was the greatest show on Earth always over so quickly? She pouted, and then realized he had left the expansive bathroom while she was being superficially depressed.

Crap! He was more than likely heading to the meeting upstairs in the conference room! _**Crap!**_

She found a hole that led upwards in the ventilation system, and climbed upwards as if she had ninja claws gripped to the back of her hands.

She looked down at her watch, then cursed beneath her breath. She had a about a minute and a half to beat him there to the meeting. …She knew that because she timed him several times in the past. He was always the last to arrive, hence her rushing.

Setting her jaw in determination, she climbed through the holes in the ceilings as fast as she could catching small glimpses of him along the way. So she went faster.

Forty seconds later, she popped into the conference room from the ceiling, and quickly took her seat just as the door opened and Eliot Spencer walked in.

"You're late," Nate stated the obvious. The hitter merely shrugged, absentmindedly shoving his wet strands of hair away from his face.

Parker gulped convulsively, and through sheer willpower, looked at Nate.

She nearly jumped when Eliot forsook a chair next to Hardison (whom he always sat by), and sat by her instead.

Underneath the table, her hands shook.

Spencer gave her one of those "What are you on?" looks she saw out of the corner of her eye. The ones she usually got from him. She tried to shrug nonchalantly, but got the feeling she failed. Epically.

She had already missed half of the conversation, and knew the exact reason as to why. Because dripping-wet-hair-sexy-as-hell Eliot Spencer was sitting _right next to her_.

Did he know? She glimpsed him out of the corner of her right eye.

He was discussing something with Nate, not paying any attention to her at all. She sighed in relief. Thank God.

…Then nearly jumped out of her skin as a warm hand brushed her thigh. It was Eliot. Parker felt her face heat up, though it didn't show up on the outside, fortunately.

She gave him what she hoped was a quizzical stare, which he ignored. "I swear Hardison; if you throw another object at me I'll break you're laptop and make you watch it while tied to a chair." He said glaring, twirling the thrown pencil in his hand like a knife.

Said computer hacker paled dramatically at the not-quite threat. More like promise. Parker relaxed, but felt oddly disappointed for some reason.

"Alright, that's enough. Settle down people." Nate said staring pointedly at Hardison. The genius of technology noticed.

"Why does the black guy always get blamed?" he said, not really as annoyed as he sounded. "Because he's usually the one who starts it," Eliot said to him, still glaring. "I wasn't aiming for you anyway…" the black man mumbled.

Parker huffed, but said nothing.

"_Alright_. Let's get on track now, shall we?" the mastermind said, resisting the urge to leave and grab a shot of scotch on the rocks.

Parker looked at her long-haired (friend? companion? _**both?**_), before noticing his hair. Again. She really, really wanted to run her fingers through those long locks of brown hair. Then she paused. They all thought she was crazy anyway…..what would one more seemingly random act do?

She reached over and nestled her hand through the damp hair and Eliot jerked in surprise. "Parker! What the-" he started. "It looked soft." She said the first thing she thought of.

He gave her another one of those "She's not right" looks, and she really tried to resist. She really did. Okay so she was lying again. Big time. She petted him. Repeatedly. Until Eliot grabbed her hand and it laid it down on the table.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" he asked. "Your hair is so soft! Sophie, you should feel it!" she exclaimed, trying to ignore the heated glare she was currently getting from the hitter.

It was harder than it was supposed to be. Oh, Eliot why do you have to be so hot for! She sighed. Ice blue eyes widened and Parker wondered why.

Then she noticed that the conference room was eerily quiet.

"What? What did I say?" she asked, and Hardison's eyes nearly popped out of his skull. "You just said the muscley dude was hot!" he yelled, partly horrified, partly shocked, and partly angry.

Parker blinked deliberately slowly. "Is that all?" she asked, and Hardison sputtered incoherently.

Sophie choked back her laughter. 'An interesting situation,' she mused to herself.

Nate was _**really**_ wishing for that scotch right about now. This looked as if it could turn into an episode of "**Days Of Our Lives**" fairly quickly.

* * *

Eliot sat there, wondering how this happened exactly. First, his shower. He'd felt a tingling sensation on the back of his neck, like somebody was watching him. He'd dismissed it easily, figuring it was just a bout of paranoia. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so hasty in his dismissal. After all, Parker was the only one who could (would) fit into the tiny ventilation system at Leverage Inc….Time for a short experiment.

"You!" Parker _**did**_ jump this time at Eliot's threatening growl. As had everybody else in the room. "You were watching me shower earlier!" he nearly came close to exclaiming.

Another prolonged silence, then:

"Ah _**hell no!**_ You've been spying on Muscles over there before you've looked at me! Girl, are you crazy?" Hardison asked incredulously. Eliot couldn't suppress his chuckle at the computer geek's disbelieving expression.

Parker swooned.

Sophie finally couldn't contain her laughter any longer and let it out. All of it.

Nate sat back in his chair, hands clenching and unclenching as he imagined holding an ice cold bottle of Jack Daniels between them. It seemed the con he had just been talking about was going to have to wait until Martha Stewart, Luna Lovegood, and the Elf Lord all got this out of their systems.

Judging by the discussion, this was going to take a while.

* * *

"….just _**say**_ something like that Parker!" the computer exclaimed aghast.

It appeared Nate had missed part of the conversation.

Parker blinked innocently. _**Way**_ too innocently.

"Why not?" she asked and Eliot chuckled again.

Sophie noticed the barely-there pink color on Parker's cheekbones at the sound of the long-haired hitter's laughter. '_**Very**_ interesting. It seems our resident thief has a bit of a crush on our protector,' she thought plotting.

The grifter noticed Hardison staring at Eliot intently.

"What do you have that I don't?" he asked finally. Eliot smirked. "Muscles."

Parker giggled. Nate coughed loudly, covering up a smile at the banter. Sophie did nothing to stop hers from showing.

"Dude, I'm being serious!" Alec shouted. Eliot shrugged. He honestly didn't know. "Ask her," he answered, thumbing his finger in her direction. "What do you want me to say? He's hot." The blonde thief answered.

Hardison rolled his eyes. "Yes, thank you for that oh-so wonderfully observant declaration now can you tell—" "Does that mean you noticed how hot Eliot is?" Parker asked innocently, interrupting him.

Eliot choked.

Sophie paused in her plotting. Then added Hardison into it. Nate's eyes twinkled with suppressed mirth. This was a mix of "**Days Of Our Lives**" and "**Comedy Central Presents: The Last Comic Standing**" Pure entertainment.

"Eliot?" the blonde thief asked. "Yes?" he answered warily. "Have sex with me. _**Shower**_ sex."

The blue-eyed man froze, as did Hardison.

"You serious darlin'?" he asked, his Texas accent shining through. Parker nodded eagerly, a grin spread across her lips. Eliot eyed her for a short moment. "Well, let's go." He said getting out of his seat. Both the thief and the hitter were nearly out the door before the hacker chimed in. "Hey, what about me?" Two pairs of blue eyes regarded him. "Oh. You can come too." Parker said. "You all make it sound like I'm gonna be a third wheel or something…." He mumbled to himself as he followed the two out of the conference room.

Sophie paused again. She then proceeded to pout. "What is it?" Nate asked. "I won't be able to play matchmaker now." She responded, a hint of petulance creeping into her voice. Nate finally chuckled, getting up. "I don't think you would have had to anyway." "You're probably right, Nate. They would have found each other eventually." She replied.

An uncomfortable silence ensued.

"I should probably go to bed. Early shopping spree in the morning…you know, the usual." Sophie lied, and Nathan let her go. He watched her intently as her form slipped out of the double doors of the conference room.

The nearly forty-five year old shook his head. He _**really**_ needed that damn drink. **_Now_**.

* * *

On the way to her room, Sophie paused just outside Parker's door.

She blushed beet red at the noises emanating from the other woman's bedchambers.

Well…at least _**they**_ were happy. And quite loud.

A particular low growling moan made her unexpectedly shiver. That sounded like Eliot. Oh damn it. Now she had images of a naked Eliot spread out amongst black satin sheets and—_**OH**_.

What? You honestly thought she only looked at Nate? Puh-lease.

Maybe she should ask if she could participate…..She shook her head at what she was doing.

She didn't walk into her own room until the noises had died down a little.

Well. At least she was going to have pleasant dreams tonight.

* * *

THE END

I hope you all enjoyed reading this as I had as writing it!! Take care!

Dark Respite


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